


Bowsette the Saberface

by Bingubiusrex, BraveInvisibleWorld, Egg_Lute



Category: Fate/Zero, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16107632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bingubiusrex/pseuds/Bingubiusrex, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BraveInvisibleWorld/pseuds/BraveInvisibleWorld, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Egg_Lute/pseuds/Egg_Lute
Summary: I hate all of you. Except Marcille. Shout-out to Marcille for helping me with the outline <3





	Bowsette the Saberface

Bowsette, a goth-looking version of Peach that was actually Bowser, walked into the Holy Grail War determined and angry as all hell. “I’ll defeat that Mario and Peach and Green dude and the green dinosaur and the pink mushroom I stole this crown from! I swear on my life that I’ll get back at those goody-two-shoes!” she roared. Suddenly, a strange young man with his face plastered in silver sharpie and horns made out of candy corn taped to head jumped up from behind Bowsette and went right for her feet. Tickling the succulent and previously scaly toes of Bowsette, the boy started laughing maniacally.

 

Bowsette was utterly disgusted. “Who do you think you are?! I’ll crush you like a Goomba, punk!”

 

“Ryuunosuke? Where are youuuuuuuuu?” echoed a voice down the corridor.

 

The mischievous toe tickler replied, “Hey Mister Gilles! I think I found a new victim for our sewer crimes!”

 

Gilles de Rais slithered onto the scene. His jaw dropped all the way to the earth’s core as he saw the goth princess standing there about to kill his master. “Jeanne?”

 

“Who the fuck is jeanne?” Bowsette huffed.

 

The man dropped on his knees and began to cry. Bowsette was, frankly, not expecting any of this and just wanted to beat Mario.

 

“JEANNE D’ARC! IT’S YOU! YOU’RE THE EXACT HORNY IMAGE OF JEANNE I WISHED FOR! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES. JENNIFER, YOU’VE RETURNED TO SAVE THE WORLD AGAIN THANK YOU GOD THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” said the big ugly man whose eyes looked like they were going to pop out as he nutted in his jorts on sight in a gruesome display of what certainly  _ was _ something.

 

“Okay what the actual fuck” said Bowsette. Normally Bowser and any form he takes is not allowed to swear but since the Holy Grail War and any Fate material is not under control by Nintendo, Bowser is allowed to say fuck like a sexy goth gf. Mario, however, is never allowed to say fuck under any circumstances, like the virgin he is, otherwise Miyamoto will execute me on the spot.

 

Suddenly, off in the distance, the sound of thundering hooves came storming into the sewers. Bowser simply thought it was a wiggler, but instead a large man with gigantic dick energy and a stubborn manlet bitch in some nerdy sweater vest came riding in a chariot carried by two humongous bulls. 

 

“Hey Iskandar, why is there a sudden spike in magical energy down here?” asked the manlet..

 

“Boy, that’s what horny does to the environment. I think it’s what the ‘tee vee’ called global warming,” replied a gruff voice.

 

The large man stopped dead in his tracks, once his eyes caught a glimpse of the scene before him. The grey man wheezed as though he was choking on food, and had squatted next to the woman with horns who the large man could only assume her name to be Jennifer. The ashy man pulled out his iPad 2 that he totally didn’t steal from Gilgamesh and looked into the Google. He talked out loud with a guttural moan, “My ehm-ess paint adventures. Enter.” 

 

The buff man covered the manlet’s eyes.  “Oi Rider! Let me see what’s going on!” the manlet whined.

 

“No boy. I can’t allow that. No man should be allowed to see the horny things in front of me,” replied Rider. 

 

“Is it the dead kids? I’ve seen them already.”

 

“No, worse.” Iskandar’s mind raced. He remembered, back in his time, a familiar face to the woman he once saw. She also looked like a Mario character. But wore a mask that showed no emotion. A hooded outfit that covered her top half, and no form of pants. That woman infected his dear men with horniness. Thousands of them were killed from death by boner. As if they were attacked by Hassan of the Horny Personas. He knew nothing good would come out of this interaction. He knew that Jennifer looking lady was nothing but trouble.

 

Waver suddenly broke out of his huge, bear hands through a sheer adrenaline rush and saw the horrible scene for himself. “OH MY GOD THEY’RE READING HOMESTUCK! BY THE POWER OF MY COMMAND SPELL, I COMMAND US TO GO LIVE ON THE MOON!” And then they DBZ-teleported out of the sewer.

 

“Um. I think I’m just going to leave,” said Bowsette. She decided that she would rather be at home with her son instead of dealing with this nonsense. Also it was 2004; Homestuck doesn’t exist. However,  _ Spider-Man 2 _ did and it would be a great movie to show Junior. 

 

As she was trying to leave, something prevented her. When Bowsette looked down at her succulent feet, she saw that a monstrous tentacle was there keeping her from moving forward. 

 

“JEANNE. MY DEAR JEANNE WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE. PLEASE JEANNE YOU MUST HELP TO SEND GOD’S GRACE EVERYWHERE!!!!” screeched Gilles De Rais.

 

“BRO, I AM NOT THIS JENNIFER PERSON! LET ME GO!” screamed Bowsette. 

 

“LIES. LIES, YOU ARE SPEWING LIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. HOW CAN YOU NOT BE THE ONE AND ONLY JEANNE D’ARC?????????” screeched Gilles at full force. 

 

“Oh that does it. I’m sick of this shit! I’m never going to be horny again,” said Bowsette as she tore off the crown, reverting her back to Bowser. His huge ass spiky shell broke out of the tentacles.

 

“JEANNE! YOU’VE DONE IT! YOU’VE BECOME THE DRAGON MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Gilles was… even more elated. Bowser then ran him over with the Koopa Clown Car and started driving out of the tunnel. Then, as he approached the end, he saw… her. The most terrifying force in all of the universe.

 

Clown.

  
  


Saber.

 

She was standing there. And made this face:

And then she evaporated the crown and said, “I ain’t allowing another fucking Saberface in my server. Get the fuck out. Honk.” 

 

Mordred was also there. He was avoiding any eye contact with his clownified dad. He said, “Wig,” and then left like a chad, throwing Clarent into the air and exploding Berserker Lancelot in one hit, as if it were a threat should Bowser remain in this Holy Grail War.

 

Bowser drove away in silence, unable to comprehend the series of events that occurred.. He stopped by a WcBonalds and bought a kids meal and a large milkshake for Bowser Junior and WcChicken for himself. When he arrived back at his castle, Junior was ecstatic to receive the meal.

 

“Oh thank you Papa!!!! Thank you, I love you so much!”

 

In the end, Bowser realized that he just needed to cherish the ones that are close to him now, and not to hurt others for having what he does not possess.

Ryuunoske still lived in the sewers and made noises. “Honk, honk, I’m Gamzee kin,” was all he said.


End file.
